Love Letter

Dear Ivan,

We did not meet as neighbors or grew up together as what you have wanted. We did not meet earlier so that we could have decided and planned for our college life together. We did not meet still when we were in college—I could have at least experienced what it felt like to see you waiting for me outside my classroom. I wish I could have experienced the thrill of checking our class schedules if our breaks coincides. Then, we could have at least celebrated our graduation and took a photo together in our graduation gown and cap. (#relationshipgoals)

I wish we did all those things that we weren’t able to just because we did not meet much earlier. But—

If I could turn back time, 2015 is still the best time to finally meet you, and 21 is still the best age to be with you.

We met in God’s time.

We met right when we knew who we are. We met just when we are capable of empathy because we’ve experience all sorts of pain. We met when we were wise enough not to argue on trivial matters because we knew that every second of life is worth celebrating for.

We met when we were not looking for someone who completes us because we knew we already were—we met to complement each other. We met when we were whole.

You were the answer to my prayers, and I believe every choice I made led me to you.

We may not have met when we were much younger, but with God’s grace we will stay together till we’re old. We did not plan for our college life together, but there are still so much more to plan throughout this lifetime, together. I may not have experience the thrill of checking our class schedules, but I knew your work schedule and daily routines now, and I am excited to even know more.  I have experience your patience—waiting for me to finish my work or even my class in the graduate school.

We met just when we were both ready, and it’s a part of God’s majestic plan.

I’m just so glad for keeping my standards high. I love you.

Someday I’ll have a story to tell—a story I’ll feel proud to tell and it will be all about us.

 

Love,

Caryl

 

 

 

 

Cyberbullying: 24/7

Technology has been upgrading and updating, as well as bullying. From the classical name calling, face-to-face verbal and physical abuse, to what we call now cyberbullying.

I am 23 years old and have been working as a counselor in a university.  Cyberbullying is real and has been predominant in our university.

Bullies become the author of posts, pro-commentors, and the likers. Bystanders become the mutual friends who choose to ignore the posts and comments. The bullied are the victims who suffers at abuse any time of the day with or without the presence of the bullies.

Despite the existence of Anti Cyber-Bullying Act, only few seek for help because of the psychological fear of aggravating the circumstances.

I have read the meanest posts and private messages from students who come crying for help. Their pictures are posted online with the meanest captions and their groupchats are filled with hate remarks, and other unwanted messages. Messages implying that they don’t really care whether the victims commit suicide.

With the existence of of films such as Before I Fall, & 13 Reasons Why, which addresses suicide and bullying, I would have hoped that it would somehow helped. But some bullies where even posting quotes from those films and were still mocking at their victims. Again, with the implication that they don’t care whether you commit suicide.

The likes and comments they get, even comments that were out of place only reinforce such behaviour. These bullies are cowards who seeks support from online friends and we should stop them. We have the power to stop them.

The internet, the social media is a scary place if we allow it to. Many have suffered and died and will continue if we don’t intervene.

When does love fade?

Does love fade when it’s forgotten?

Or does it fade when it’s nowhere same when it started in?

Does it fade in the absence of chocolates and bouquets?

Or perhaps when there is no more chase?

Does it fade when someone new comes along?

Can someone just wipe it off like its never wrong?

Does it fade with time?

Or does it fade when it is no longer understood?

When would you know?

Or will you ever know?

Or does it even fades?

Or if really did fade, was it love?

 

A Letter From GOD

 

Dear Caryl,

You will have a wonderful life. You will have many families, although the best is right in your home.

You will have plenty of friends by age 15, even though only few will still treat you the same in your early 20’s—this few will be the best and you won’t need more.

You will suffer many heartbreaks even before you reach your 20’s—heartbreak in all forms. Some people will mock at your suffering, pretend to care when they don’t, some will try to pull you down, or even pull you away from Me, but you will not allow that.

You will be stronger each day for you are with Me.

Some will try to get what you have, some will steal things away from you—but you can let it go, because I can see Your sacrifices and sufferings, and I will give you much more than what you’ve lost. Just have faith in Me.

Your curiosity will lead you to many questions, but there will be people who will help you wander through life to answer those. Some of them will only stay until you solve some of your questions, while some will stay for good, for you to help them answer their own questions.

By age 21 you might start to understand that each heartbreak you overcome are all for a greater purpose—to make you the best.

You will have near death experience, or even times when you have to hang on a thin thread but you will not die. You will not die because you won’t allow it. You will not die because I am with you.

Love always and forever,

God

You will be where God wants you to be…

When I graduated, I had this well made plan on where to work, and applied there instantly. I waited for the employer to call me back, but a month passed and I didn’t hear anything from them. I lose patience and applied somewhere else, and later on started working there. Few days after I started working on my second option, I received a call from the first job which I initially applied, it was devastatingly late for me, because I just signed the contract for a different job at that time. So I had to refuse.

I felt terrible at that time, but I wouldn’t have realize either that the position I applied is a position I am not interested in, which I learned through the job I got.

I am now currently working in my first option, but in exactly different position at the perfect time.

At times we encounter frustrating and annoying moments in our lives, moments that we wish had never happened, or moments wherein we wonder why it’d happened.

Not getting the desired job, or perhaps losing a job, missing a bus or a train, being stuck on a traffic, and the list goes on.

I just posted not long ago that my grandfather (fraternal grandpa) passed away last December 2016.

Last November 2016, while I was visiting my cousins in the city, they were arguing as to why some medicines of our grandfather were left in the city, while our grandfather was away in his hometown. To calm them all I told them that I will deliver the medicine to our grandfather that day, and because of that I was able to see my grandfather, chat with him, and I was even able to gave him an advance Christmas present.

Who would have thought that–that would be our last chat…

Just before my grandfather passed away, my mother filed for a new year vacation, which was denied by my cousin who happens to be her direct head. My cousin instead changed her leave application into Christmas break instead of new years’.  My mother was furious, for she has always been going on vacation every new year, because it is her father’s death anniversary (my maternal grandfather).

Who would have thought that it would be just what we would need–because before Christmas, my grandpa died.

There are so many things that are beyond our understanding–but we just have to hang on to our faith after all, God has better plans for us. Always.

My perspective in what cannot be seen in a photo

 

I’ve been seeing some of my friends reposting, sharing, & commenting to this picture of a man masturbating inside the jeepney (which I decided not to include the link). I’ve been there couple of times, and it is indeed creepy and disgusting. I would like to point out though that while everybody talks about how disgusting it is, we might as well think about how badly they need help. No man in their right mind would do that. They may be suffering from Exhibitionistic Disorder, and other forms of mental disorder which they can’t do anything otherwise treated.

Ps. The man in the picture may have a family, a son, or a daughter that could probably be bullied, or may be crying over the viral photo/post. We are mentally healthier, and thus–is it too much to ask for understanding?

Perks and Twists of Having a Short Hair

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Having a short hair comes with a list of advantage.

  1. Takes lesser time to prepare. After taking a bath my hair is all good. I don’t really have to comb it like I used to with my long hair. I don’t even have to worry about blower and stuffs because it’s almost as good as quick dry. Now I can enjoy longer sleep because my preparation time has been deducted with around 30 minutes. 🙂
  2. Low maintenance. It only takes a pea-size amount of shampoo and conditioner. (and if I want it wax at times, I can stole some from my boyfriend)
  3. No more looking for a hair tie. We always have this problem at home, since my mother and sister both have long hairs, we would always fight over a hair tie. Now they still do. I am not even sure if it’s all girls problem or just us, but we always have to buy a lot of hair ties because it gets lesser everyday.
  4. It’s refreshing. I don’t know how much my hair weights before but having it this way made me feel lighter and refresh. You can feel the breeze all over you neck to the scalp. 😀
  5. Earrings. I can now wear earrings of varied styles since it’s pretty much visible with my short hair.
  6. It made me look my age. Most of the college students in the university I am working at looks more mature than me, I guess having my hair this way made me look more of an instructor, and I look more professional.
  7. You wake up feeling like a rock star. My bedhead is a total rock n’ roll. It will always give you good vibes on early morning. 🙂 🙂 🙂

There are some twists to that though.

  1. This may be a culture thing, in Philippines, most short-haired (as short as my hair) are often mistaken as lesbian. There were times when people stares at me from head to foot, whenever I go out with my sexy pretty girl friend, or even when I hang out with my female cousin. We just laugh at it though, at times my cousin would even playfully hold my hand and acts sweet just to feed other’s thought.
  2. I am often hesitant to wear denim long sleeves because it don’t suit me the way it suit me before. Or probably it isn’t as feminine as before.

So I’m pretty much trying to be more feminine this days & I’m enjoying it. 🙂

 

 

Long Hair– No More

 

Before 2016 ended I decided to cut my hair short. I’ve always wanted to have it short, but my every time I would tell my aunts about it they would all try to stopped me. So this time, I decided to surprise them.

That day happened so fast, it was Sunday and I was in the church early morning with my family. It was on the spur of the moment that I told my parents that I wanted to dropped by a hair salon. It was too early, I tried waiting for the hair salon to open until I decided to just go home for I still have to travel to the city with my family that day.

When I was in the city my aunts and cousins, I told one of my cousin to go out with me. We went to couple of hair salon, around 7. All were busy because its a weekend, its all jam-packed. There were times when I feel like, perhaps it’s God’s sign of telling me not to do it.

But then I know, if it won’t happen that day then perhaps I won’t have the courage again to do it. So I have to do it that day.

My cousin drove me to a hair salon quite far from the city proper, there we found one.

When I was asked what hairstyle, I was dumbfounded. I really didn’t think about it. So I told him I wanted anything “boy cut”. I was glad that I was in the right salon, the haircutter really took time to search in google pictures of short-haired woman and asked me to choose between those. I really can’t remember what I choose, I was pretty much nervous and all.

So here:

Only girls would understand the fear of having your hair cut this way. The fear of “what if it doesn’t suit me?”

Well, I’m just glad it turns out the way I like it.

My aunts were shocked, but I guess they like it.

See you!

I’ve been on hiatus for a couple of months. Too many things happened. My grandfather passed away before Christmas, but certainly I know he is in a greater place where my grandmother.

My grandpa’s ears has been relying on hearing aids, but still he can’t hear well. One time while he was in the bathroom, I was startled  upon hearing him murmuring, so I tried to come near the bathroom only to realize that he was praying. He was praying for his sons and daughter and for his health, despite everything that is not going well in his body, he has always been thankful.

It’s been a month since my grandpa died but there are still times when I forget that he is no longer with us. There were times when I still wonder if it really did happen, if he really did passed away.

The last conversation I had with him was last November, before his discharge in a hospital, that is about a month before he died. He was asking for a Christmas gift that time, I even told him that I will give him one on Christmas, but he insisted that I gave it to him in advance.

Whether he felt it at that time, I’m glad I gave it to him in advance.

lolo

I am glad I am left with no regret. I spent countless quality time with my grandpa.

I still cry at times.

Yes

Its not about her being alive,

Its about her being repeatedly killed,

Its not about how you feed and dress her,

but how you said you fed her,

and how you tear her dress open,

It’s for the times you get jealous,

times you push her down the stairs,

and times you humiliate her in front of your friends

It’s about how you brag about your love

but dated so many.

It’s not about you killing her,

nor the 2 or 3 cuts on her wrist,

It’s about the regret from saying ‘Yes’

that keeps on killing her,

It’s all about why she did it.

It’s not about you, it’s about her.