I met my good old friends from high school early this summer, and we were able to talk about who’s dating whom since everyone parted for college. We were taken aback to know that some were just fresh from bad break-ups, some were on the process of moving on, and some were talking about how strong they were doing after their respective break-up.
One friend of mine was talking about how strong she was and how better off she was since her former boyfriend left her for her best friend. It was indeed a heartbreaking story since I witnessed their more-than-3-year-relationship, and now it was officially over for good. While listening to her story I can’t help but criticize inside my head, she isn’t really over.
If you have been in my blog for long enough, you know I’ve been there as well. I was dumped ages ago, so I could totally relate to what she’s undergoing as of the moment.
I was merely listening in everyone’s story, when a boy friend of mine asked me how long does it take to move on.
Theoretically speaking, I told him about Kübler-Ross Model 5 stages of grief which I believe every brokenhearted people undergoes.
When you are in the state of denial it could be that you deny the situation by acting hopeful, and by expecting that your partner would definitely come back to you, this is when you bend reality. You could also be in denial in a sense that you feel like you weren’t even hurt at all and everything is okay.
After denial comes anger. This is when you question “Why me? It’s not fair!, and feel angry towards your partner, towards your self, or towards someone else. This is when you try to look for someone to blame, blame could be towards yourself or towards the other party.
Then comes bargaining. This is when a person lowers his/her pride by pleading. I remember a month after my really awful break-up with my ex-boyfriend, I sent him a message on his phone asking him to come back and that I would do anything on my power to make us work again. That was a really a desperate move, and unfortunately or was it fortunately he didn’t even reply to my message.
The fourth one is depression. Of course after bargaining, pleading, and acting desperate, you’ll get discourage if you weren’t able to convince the other party to come back and stay. Depression could even result to the disruption of your life ranging from minor such as getting distracted with your life routine to major such as overeating and the likes.
The last stage is acceptance, this is what we call moving on. This is when you totally accept that the relationship is over and start getting on with your life.
I believed the stages are not strictly in chronological order as it happens in our life, but I believed that without reaching acceptance which is probably the hardest thing, you will keep on running around stages 1-4.
When you asked ‘How long does it take to get over someone?’, it depends upon the person, and how he/she handles it. How long it takes would be equal to how long he/she finds the heart to accept.