My Start


jeanryl 

At times we tend to forget the things we want to remember, and we remember the things we want to forget instead.

                Ironic.

That is life.

                Happy endings? Fairy Tales? I ceased believing on those, when I got my heart broken, seriously broken.

Three-year-relationship, few words and it’s over, 3 years passed and the memories still linger, and once in a while I still cry.

Blame me, strangers do but my friends and family won’t. My friends and family saw me on the peak of my happiness, when I was in that so called relationship, the sacrifices I had to save it but still it didn’t lasts like I wanted too.

6 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days passed since he left me, since he broke my heart, since he let me realize happy ending is not meant for me.

I was 13 that time I met him.  He has been my inspiration through the years, ever since I started high school. It was because he is the kind of person I wanted to become.

He is a guy who can capture the eyes of the people around him, head turner. He is always bright and energetic. He is always surrounded with people and he always wear this big smile on his face. He is handsome, talented, sporty, and intelligent. He is a guy who seems perfect in every way I see him.

I on the other hand is a gloomy girl. I was near friendless that time, alone and lost in my own world. I am the girl who doesn’t really standout in crowd. I am in love with books, and the library was my sanctuary, and I thought I would be stuck in there.

I was 14 when I first talked to him, that’s when my teacher asked me to hand him, a book and he said ‘thanks’. I can still remember the smile he gave me that time, although I know that he doesn’t even know my name since we are not even on the same class.

Hours became days which became months but I still looked at him in school. I still think about him before my sleep each night that passed.

I was out of school for a week, I joined a Painting Competition to represent our school. When I arrived back in my school I was welcomed by the teachers and some schoolmates and people I barely knew to congratulate me for winning the said competition. I feel glad and fluttered about it.

October 7, 2009, 2:38 pm, I met him by the hallway of our school and he congratulated me. I couldn’t think of any words to say so I just nodded and smiled.

That day change everything between us. He started a conversation, we had our introductions and I pretended like I don’t know anything about him. At night we would talk over the phone about what we did for the whole day. He would tell me about the girl he dated and how happy he is with this girl. I was happy for him, I am glad just by the thought that somehow God heard my prayers and we could even talk casually, like I used to pray every day before. I couldn’t be greedy and ask for any more than this.

We continued talking and I heard it’s what people normally call friendship. We care about each other.

July 13, 2010. He broke up with his girlfriend. I cried with him. I was devastated and I feel sad just like him. I hugged him, I comforted him, I was with him.

Months passed, and suddenly he asked me out. I couldn’t say a word. I heard friends are not supposed to be going out. We are friends…right?

Days passed since he asked me out, it was not awkward between us, we are still friends until he asked me out again for the second time. I don’t really know what I feel towards him at that time but I agreed.

We dated until we became a stable couple. That was when people in the campus started to notice me. That was when some of the girls started to bully me, but he was always there with me and never failed to protect me.

He became romantic and sweet all the more. He would visit me in my classroom every break, proudly introduce me to his comrades, walk me home after our class, we go out every weekend if possible and he even introduced me to his parents.

I was 16 while he was 17 at that time, then we graduated high school. I was sent to study away from our hometown for college while he was also sent to study on a different place for his studies. We regularly exchange emails and phone calls until our communication became minimal, from daily it became once every 3 days, once a week and sometimes once every 2 weeks.

But I was holding on to our promise. We will wait until we finish our studies and strive to reach our dreams.

Years passed, I thought we were going stronger, until he finally broke up with me through an email. I was in denial. I was petrified. There was pain and I was hurt.

During the summer break I went home, back in our hometown to talk to him and patch things. I was walking to his place when I saw him by the park; he was sitting with his ex-girlfriend by his side and a baby on his arm.

I was stuck on my place. I couldn’t make a single step.

6 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days had passed since then and I am now working as an Art teacher. Its summer again today and I am handling a summer art class for children.

Amazingly, the baby on his arms that unforgettable summer is now one my student.

The child looked exactly just like him. I can smile now. If ever I met him, I can manage to smile too, I thought I can until the last day of my summer class came and I met him along with his wife.

I smiled as we talked like we were old buddies who haven’t met for so long. When they waved their goodbye to me. Tears started to roll out my eyes. I was filled with questions I never managed to ask. Did he ever regret leaving me behind? Did he ever think about me before he closes his eyes at night?

But seeing him happy and all, I think I deserve to be happy too. I was hoping to spent my forever with him now that I have reached my dreams, but I guess I am not supposed to wait for now.

Right, I deserve to be happy as well.

6 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.

I had my hair trimmed. I walk out of the Beauty Salon feeling great and new. I smell the breeze and I know this is gonna be a start…my start.

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