Most of the arguments and quarrels that we had…
I feel like I am the one who…
is frustrated waiting for his name to appear on my phone,
patiently waiting for my doorbell to ring,
always checking my mails,
most of the time wonders what he is doing,
lost my appetite (eats two plates in every meal instead of 5),
who can hardly go to sleep (imagining him),
wakes up in the middle of the night (to check my phone),
thinks about random things about us until I fell asleep again,
hurriedly checks my phone after waking up,
wanders in the city wishful thinking that I would meet him by chance
Indeed that’s me.
I am the one who…
sends random sweet messages just to remind him about my existence even though he wouldn’t reply,
practice a piece on the piano just for him,
Call him just to let him hear me play piano for him,
Pass by his classroom just to take a glance at him,
Memorize the names and faces of his close girl friends,
Gets jealous but never told him about it,
talks nonstop each time I meet him although it shows that his not listening,
Acts cool whenever I meet him but would scream at my bed whenever I’m home already,
Feels like a princess whenever he fetches me in my classroom once in a blue moon
Experience a one year worth happiness whenever he would escort me home and give me good night kiss,
Who don’t get too close to other guys because I don’t want him to misunderstood,
Introduced him to all my friends and family because I want him to feel so belong,
Always leave my weekends free just in case he want to go out although most of the time I spent my weekends on my bed waiting for my phone to ring,
Get the feeling that I am taken for granted, gets mad, but still feels happy and glad whenever I meet him,
Tried to stop myself from contacting him but get so excited whenever I get a message from him, and without noticing I already sent a reply a second after.
I am crazy after over him after all.
I am that girlfriend, whom he forgets, is never on his priority lists, and he told my best friend too.
I am that girl who breaks up with him after hearing all those painful words.
I am that girl who spends my night crying.
I am that girl who can hardly go to sleep at night, and wakes up every now and then.
I am that girl who sees everything as part of him.
I am that girl who wakes up at dawn and play piano until I just fall asleep, then wakes up with all those back aches and headaches and a pair of bulging eye bags.
I am that girl whose parents is so supportive that my father even talked to me about my heartaches,
I am that girl whose only brother gave me an overseas call just to check if I’m doing great after hearing about my break up,
I am that girl who keeps on visiting is facebook account even after our break up.
I am that ex-girlfriend who get so depressed seeing all those “move on” “move on” on his facebook wall.
I am that ex-girlfriend whose cousins refrain me from visiting his facebook profile.
but still gets back to him after his few “sorry” and all.
After all I am that girl tormented by my friends after going back to him. And now I’m doomed, for history is about to repeat itself and I couldn’t asks for my friend’s help anymore.
In every quarrel and argument there is someone who is bothered the most. In every relationship there is someone who will love the most. And for every break up there is someone who is hurt the most.
I am that girl who decided not to shed a tear for him again, but is now crying over typing this.